The Beginning

this is all i'm reduced to- spending every waking moment checking my email, dashing and yet slowly marching to answer my phone, whether a call or a single note chime of a text. all i'm doing is waiting- waiting for the verdict. will someone just please answer me? i feel like rusted metal. some great towering artifact finally collapsing in on itself. its thin bird legs folding in, collapsing under the crushing weight of the smallest bird lighting on its silo. my hands are heavy stones, my fingers extensions of twigs, creaking and trembling in the still breeze. i turn my head in agony. i can't bear to see your face shining through.each pasted strip of paper falls apart in my clumsy hands. they are too limp and not agile enough to move. delicate paper falls apart in my fingers and falls in an oozing clump to the floor.the words-oh those horrible wordswhispering to me in the loudest cacophony of noise that no one else seems to hear.they are like a hundred voices whispering all around me, speaking all at once, driving me crazy. they leave me weak and impotent.i wish it would go away.