Ceremony

i feel like i am embalming you. i am sealing you up, burying you, not still alive, but immediately after you exhale your last living breath, and deflate your hollow, sagging lungs. your soul went out on that last breath. you are no more. as i meticulously wrap you up, the task becomes harder and harder. first your toes and your feet- i can pass that task. but then i reach your soft stomach, still warm to the touch. though you are dead, gone, your insides are still half alive, shutting down, failing. they are warm, surrounded by your blood. liquids still gurgle and squirm through your intestines warm. i lift your dead body in my arms to wrap your waist around. though you are dead, you are still pliable, still movable, though heavy and limp at ev'ry angle. i am so weak- and you are so heavy- i have not the strength, and your own body is turning against me. i have not the strength to lift you. so i set you down and in a terrible attempt to lay you gently, my arms give out and your half wrapped body falls heavily to the ground........your arms i wrapclean of scars like mine but ugly with different forms, hideous and disgusting in their own right. they disappear from my mind again. the memory of them is but a farce. they were never there, hard to believe.then the hands- the soft kind hands- they are wrapped. gone forever. the fingers- beginning to curl inward like hideous talons. they were once warm and soft, familiar. they were once calloused from working and living. but now they are cold. the most extreme joints- the palms of the fingers themselves, the center for touch, the swirling designed surfaces- now hollow and cold. i feel each ripple of skin- each crevice , each scale- they were once your hands, now they are no more-they are empty hollow twigs, dried and crunching like desert wood. they are cold- and burn like ice. they are not yours any more- i recoil and wrap the hideous things away, folding one over the other across your chest. your face- oh your face-i cannot do it. just as i imagine sucking the life out of you, i feel as if the gauze has covered my own mouth. i scream in agony of the terrifying, most frightening thought. chills and shrieks fill my heart and a hellish, feral noise makes its way out of the hollows of my soul, escaping on the wind like a gust of rain spattering the glass windshield. i awaken from my dreamYour dead and lifeless body still lays before me, wrapped in plaster cast-gauze, suffocating like the dust of moths' wing. scream at me! let me know you are alive!! scream at me!!! again, this horrible howling, guttural noise escapes from the pit of my stomach, all the air in my body dispelled into the empty room, echoing through the chambers underground-open your eyes! show me signs of life! bleed out, SOMETHING! just show me you're alive!!i bandage up your neck and chin. i bandage up above your brow- this is your last chance. speak to me, let me know you're alive! your bones are heavy- you will not move. the task at hand gets harder and harder. lift your head! just lift your head up! i can't wrap you up alone! your head is much too heavy for me to lift myself! and this gauze! oh this gauze is like a damned curtain of velvet soaked in rain!! i can't hold your head up and wrap you with it! please just speak to me. please even if you must go, please pick up your head for me so that i can do this. let me bury my dead, please. let my bury my dead already. i am tired of this build up. if you don't want to be back, then goodbye. i cover your face, smother your mouth, black out your eyes and you will never speak again. is that what you want?